Men are Lunatics, Women are Nuts


   The Difference:
         Women have more imagination than men.  They need to tell us
         how wonderful we are.  Women have their faults.  Men only
         have two.  Everything they say.  Everything they do.  A
         successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
         spend.  A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  
  
   The Style:
         Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.  Women
         somehow deteriorate during the night.  When women are
         depressed they either eat or go shopping.  Men invade another
         country.  It's a whole different way of thinking.  A man is a
         person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he
         wants.  A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item
         that she doesn't want.
  
   The Workplace:
         When a man gives his opinion, he's a man.  When a woman
         gives her opinions, she's a bitch.  Women are the only
         exploited group in history who have been idealized into
         powerlessness.
  
   Relationships:
         Diamonds are a girl's best friend.  Dogs are a man's best
         friend.  Now you know which sex is smarter.  Most men's
         primary fantasy is still, unfortunately, access to a number
         of beautiful women.  For a man, commitment means giving up
         this fantasy.  Most women's primary fantasy is a
         relationship with one man who either provides economic
         security or is on his way to doing so (he has "potential").
         For a woman, commitment to this type of man means achieving
         this fantasy. So, commitment often means that a woman
         achieves her primary fantasy, while a man gives his up.
         It's not true that men prefer foolish women.  Rather they
         prefer women who can simulate foolishness whenever
         necessary, which is the very core of intelligence.
  
   Love:
         Men always want to be a woman's first love.  Women have a
         more subtle instinct:  What they like is to be a man's last
         romance.  The only way to understand a woman is to love her
         - and then it isn't necessary to understand her.  To be
         happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him
         a little.  To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot
         and not try to understand her at all.
  
   Marriage:
         A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
         doesn't.  A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
         change and she does.  Men marry because they are tired; women
         because they are curious.  Both are disappointed.  A woman
         worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a
         man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.  A
         woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to
         marry her; a man, of the woman who didn't.  There are two
         times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage
         and after marriage.
  
   Husbands:
         Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy.  One
         is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other
       	 is to let her have it.  Married men live longer than single
       	 men.  But, married men are a lot more willing to die. Any
       	 married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people
       	 remembering the same thing.
  
   Wives:
         Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
         Husbands are like cars:  all are good the first year.
  
   The Battle:
         A woman has the last word in any argument.  Anything a man
         says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
  
   On Men:
         If you women knew what we were thinking, you'd never stop
         slapping us.  Men are like animals, but they make great
         pets.
  
   On Women:
         Can you imagine a world without men?  No crime and lots of
         happy fat women.  Women have two weapons- cosmetics and
         tears.  Women may be the only group that grows more radical
         with age.  God made man before woman to give him time to
         think of an answer for her first question.
  
   Men are Lunatics.
   Women are Nuts.
   Ain't it the truth.