If IBM made toasters...
          They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be
          submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide
          market for five, maybe six toasters.
  If Xerox made toasters...
          You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices
          would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread
          for you.
  If Radio Shack made toasters...
          The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about
          it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
  If Oracle made toasters...
          They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and
          styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel
          Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three
          years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing
          smoke.
  If Sun made toasters...
          The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good
          cuppa Java.
  Does DEC still make toasters?...
          They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't they?
  If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
          They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in
          toast and gives you regular bread.
  If Tandem made toasters...
          You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a piece got burned
          the toaster would automatically toast you a new one.
  If Thinking Machines made toasters...
          You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same
          time.
  If Cray made toasters...
          They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other
          single-slice toaster in the world.
  If SGI made toasters...
          It would make the bread look like it was toasted. It could also
          transform rye to wheat and add whatever kind of spread you could
          imagine, and it would slyly imply credit for making the loaf of
          bread in the first place.
  If Sony made toasters...
          The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece
          of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to
         your belt.
  If CostCo made toasters...
          They'd be really cheap, as long as you bought a six-pack of 'em.
  And, of course:
  If Microsoft made toasters...
          Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a
          toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still
          have to pay for it anyway.  Toaster '95 would weigh 15,000
          pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw
          enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the
          space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster
          that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast
          to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to
          find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters,
          but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread
          only works with their toasters.